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Thursday, February 04, 2010

If Only...

Somehow that seems to be a favourite word that hangs on everyone's lips these days.

If only you had started dancing 10 years earlier - that was the exact words that my dance instructor said today. Well, he's actually said it many times before, I just never thought about it seriously. So what if I had started dancing earlier? Would my life have been any different?

He is normally full of praises for me; well, when you are being compared to a group who are at least 2 to 3 decades older than you, you'll stand out, no doubt about that. He thinks that I have a natural talent for ballroom dancing, except that I'm lack of the energy compared to those who are a decade younger than me. Of course not forgetting to mention that I'm a married woman, and I won't be able to commit myself to a competitive level unlike those who are still a free spirit, or has a partner who dances professionally too.

Sets me off pondering, if I did start 10 years earlier, would I have pursued dancing on a competitive level? I doubt it. Firstly, I was very very shy before, and I cannot imagine myself dancing to close proximity with another person. Secondly, I'm simply too jittery. Anything that requires me to be under the observation and scrutiny of another being will simply turn my legs to jelly. And most importantly, that my parents would never have approved of me being a dancer, at least not 10 years ago, when people's perception of a dancer was rarely positive.

Frankly I'm happy with the level that I'm at now - as much as I wished for that extra energy that would have boosted my dancing, I'm simply glad that what I'm doing is in the right technique, and I don't feel the need to be competitive.

What's important is that I look good and feel good doing it. I'll dance as long as my feet can take it :)


d_luaz said...

If only. The "If Only" now and the "If Only" then might be different. We might see things in a wider scope now, and probably a more narrow scope then. Perhaps we understand ourselve slightly better now.

Then again, we never never know what happens "if only", so there isn't any point pondering about it except to make our life more miserable.

Then again, not having to do the things we like in a competitive level might be a blessing of enjoyment (at least it's how I felt nowadays). Perhaps we are just happy to keep dancing as sideline, rathar than our career or anything else more serious.

Shirl said...

I couldn't agree more. Age has definitely something to do with how you perceive things. We look at things in a different perspective as we grow older... or wiser.

I'm definitely with you when you mention that not being in a competitive level gives me that freedom to enjoy the dance more - that's why it's called a hobby. It's meant for de-stressing. By doing it professionally we are indirectly creating new pressure and tension, which of course for some ppl, see it as a way to improve by pushing yourself further, while personally I find it quite unnecessary.

It will continue to stay as something leisurely for me, as a form of an escape from the already stressed out world ;)